focus

Choosing Yourself: A Journey to Personal Empowerment

I don’t Choose Myself…AND that’s been the problem. I’ve spent my life choosing others’ expectations over myself—and I’m done.

Hey, I’m Dave Kolmer, the guy behind Improvement Dave. My word for the year is FOCUS. (Read more here.) Not as a slogan, but as a commitment to refine what matters and clear out what doesn’t. I need to:

CHOOSE MYSELF …and maybe that is something you need to work on, too.

A Song that Stayed With Me for Years

In this post, I will review a song. This is a song that I heard several years ago while doing yard work. The first time I heard this song, I stopped what I was doing, and I listened to it again. Then I saved it and sent it to myself.

I told myself I would blog about it, but then I didn’t write the post.
I told myself it didn’t fit my word of the year yet, so I set it aside.

The truth? This song scared me. I felt it too deeply.
I started to feel like I would write this post when I was ready.

Ready for What?

To be ready to choose myself above other people. Something I don’t let myself do. I do not choose myself above other people because:

I am afraid others will perceive me as vain or arrogant.

The Song

Listen here:

Bandcamp: starslingeruk.bandcamp.com/track/choose-yourself
YouTube: https://youtu.be/dmedDwvmTK0?si=JrTypRAxHdr2ADer

REVIEW

I planned to paste the lyrics and react in classic Improvement Dave fashion, but you can read or listen to them yourself. Instead, I’m taking the heart of the song and responding more directly. I’m a creative person—something I once claimed proudly, then quietly traded for stability and responsibility. Therapy has made it impossible to ignore what that trade cost me.

I still need to create to be happy.

While the idea of living without purpose sounds dreamy, it feels unrealistic; we all have responsibilities and that ever‑present pressure to do the things we’d rather avoid.

[You can see one of my biggest responsibilities to the right. My need to create has rubbed off on my son. He had a grouping of Pokémon cards he didn’t think were “rare,” so he made a shirt of them.]

I asked if I could post this online, and he said, “Sure, ” without a second thought… I could learn a thing or two from his confidence.

30% or 33.3%?

I still feel the daily pull to make things, which is why this song hits so hard. I’ve seen firsthand that about 30% of people love my work, 30% hate it, and 30% never notice—so my focus now is on serving the ones who care. And while the idea of living without purpose sounds dreamy, it feels unrealistic; we all have responsibilities and that ever‑present pressure to do the things we’d rather avoid.

I traded creativity for stability.

Maybe you’re doing the thing you have to do, not the thing you want to do. I enjoy my career, but some parts hit that familiar knot in my stomach—the fear that comes with admitting I might want something different. It’s like stepping onto a narrow bridge over a pit you’d rather not look into.

WHAT IF

I FAIL?

The answer to this is we never fail. We either hit the nail square on the head or we find a moment of learning. It is a Win (+) or a Delta (Δ).

Ideas Out in Space

This quote from the song is liberating to me. It is freeing because I live with analysis paralysis on the daily.

“I have lots of ideas, how do I pick the right one?
Execute on as many as possible.
The right idea will pick you.”

There’s a theme running through several books I’ve read this year—Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and The Creative Act by Rick Rubin. They suggest that ideas float around in the ether, waiting for someone ready to receive them. Sometimes they show up before we’re prepared; other times we’re ready but unwilling, and the idea moves on to someone who is.

I’ve brought a lot of ideas to life on this blog, but lately I’ve slowed down. I tell myself it’s because of my work on Gamelayer.fm, but that’s just an excuse. I should be using this space to support the podcast, and I haven’t followed through the way I intended.

Master of All Trades

I can quote the ending of the song out of order for once:

“Ultimately, mastery is about connecting the dots of many fields.”

IF we don’t let the mind drift and sit on the side of the road in quiet meditation, observing the thoughts pass. THEN we will never have a creative thought that is ours and ours alone. This is the great paradox of meditation. We are not quieting the mind; we are training the mind.

Master of All Trades

YOU are Kenough

Going back to the song in the order of appearance…

We are:

“…taught at an early age that we are not good enough.“

Organized education. School is supposed to prepare us for life, but mostly it just trains us to succeed at school. As Thomas J. Stanley argues in The Millionaire Mind, real success isn’t about grades or pedigree—it’s about the strength of your idea and the grit to make it happen.

Money Shot

“Get paid, get laid, lose weight.”

This is that old formula for chasing external validation. But choosing yourself means flipping that script. It’s not about pleasing others or mastering the right test answers; it’s about backing your own ideas and valuing your own voice. Success comes from knowing what you want, standing behind it, and moving with the kind of confidence that makes others follow your lead.

Be That Candle

“One candle can light a thousand other candles
And still remain lit itself.
Be that candle.”

You can earn money from others, but when you offer something real, and they value it, it isn’t taking — it’s exchanging light. That image reminds me of spiritual practice: one candle lighting another, each flame standing on its own.

By somchairakin

The same goes for us. My wife says, “Don’t compare yourself to other people,” and she’s right. Choosing yourself means running your own race, slowing down when you need to, listening to your breath, and taking care of the body and mind you actually live in.

Silence

Mind focused, silence speaks volumes.

“Out of silence comes the greatest creativity
Not when we are rushing and panicking.”

Choosing yourself means honoring that silence, stepping out of the race that was never yours to run. Don’t trade your health or your mind for money, status, or a title. Golden handcuffs still sink you, and losing yourself is too high a price. When you choose others’ expectations over your own life, you drown long before you notice you’ve gone under.

So here it is

I’m choosing myself. I am making myself write the post,
This post, the one I feared I could never write…

You should, too.

Because…

“If you don’t choose yourself, someone else will.”

What do you think? Does this resonate with you?
What is a small change you can make today to start Choosing Yourself?

Work Cited

Altucher, J. (2013). Choose Yourself!: Be Happy, Make Millions, Live the Dream. Choose Yourself Media.

Ellenberg, J. (2014). How not to be wrong: The power of mathematical thinking. Penguin Press.

Stanley, T. J. (2000). The millionaire mind. Andrews McMeel Publishing.

Starslinger (2019). Choose Yourself [Song].

Did you like this article? Then you might LOVE the GAMELAYER Podcast.

The Role of the Facilitator: Attention as Love in Action

I just had a conversation with the illustriously genuine ✨Kassy LaBorie, on her podcast #TheSparkKonnect. It was a joy. The topic was: How to connect the arts to our work as training facilitators.

My main concern was “Which discipline of art creation should I focus on?”
My worldview is that creation is the highest form of worship. Which modality of art creation should I focus on? I just rolled with it and talked about the whole VENN diagram that is my artistic journey.
It was better than therapy!

The Spark Konnect Podcast can be accessed here.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-spark-konnect/id1847731623

The episode is not live as of the publish date of this blog post.

Attention

In the conversation, one quote kept echoing:

“Attention is love in action.”

-John O’Donohue

As facilitators in Learning & Development, that should challenge us.

Because if attention is love… then what we choose to focus on in a classroom, a workshop, or a training session is what we’re actively giving life to.

So the real question becomes:
What are we watering?

Perspective

I am a Venn diagram, and it is my experience that fills and colours the circles that make the mosaic that is me.

In Learning & Development, we often act like we’re responsible for transferring knowledge.

But the deeper truth is:
We’re shaping environments where identity, perspective, and possibility are constantly being formed.

Every learner walks into the room with a completely different “Venn diagram” of experience:

Their culture
Their language
Their experiences
Their beliefs about what learning even is

And here’s the hard part:
They don’t live in the same world we do.

Not metaphorically—literally.

Language shapes thought. Experience shapes belief. Environment shapes identity.

I’ve seen this firsthand. Living abroad, speaking a different language, immersing myself in a different culture—I didn’t just learn new things…

I became someone new.

SIDEBAR: Do you remember that time Kassy was on GAMELAYER Radio? I do!

Right or Right?

So what does that mean for facilitation?

It means we have to let go of the idea that:

There’s one “right” way to learn
Our content is the center of the experience
Our learners should see the world the way we do

Instead, facilitation becomes something else entirely:

Creating space.
Holding attention.
Inviting exploration.

Not prescribing it.

Let’s Talk some REAL SH#T.

It’s heart of the matter time, BEACH.

There’s a concept in art and philosophy that resonates here: wabi-sabi — the beauty of imperfection, of things that are real, worn, and authentic.

Great facilitation is the same.

It’s not polished slides or perfect delivery.

It’s:

The moment a learner reframes their thinking
The pause that lets someone process
The question that shifts perspective
The active act of LISTENING

It’s real. It’s imperfect. And it’s human.

SIDEBAR: Check out when Kassy talked about this on GAMELAYER Radio!

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Role of the Facilitator of Learning

So maybe the role of a facilitator isn’t to be the expert in the room.

Maybe it’s to be something closer to…

An architect of attention.

Because wherever attention goes:

Energy flows
Beliefs form
Learning happens

And ultimately…

People grow.

So I’ll ask again:

What are you giving attention to?
What are you helping your learners see?
And what kind of growth are you making possible because of it?

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-spark-konnect/id1847731623

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133 ALIVE | The Measure of Meaning - Who Gets to Define the Canon? | "DOC" YAVELBERG

To Link-Out or NOT Link-Out: on LinkedIn

Welcome to Improvement Dave, I am Dave. I will be your guide on your journey to “Choose to Improve.”

I recently wrote a post on Linked In about how it is not beneficial [for the health of you post] to link to something outside of LinkedIn. That sounds confusing and after you finally process it counterintuitive:

Here is a link to that post.

I chose to link to that post instead of linking this post to that post. Explain that to your grandparents!

image links to LinkedIN post.

Understanding Linked In’s Algorithm: The Link Paradox

A recent connection, and dare I say new friend, called Christian Gossan, had a beer last week, Outback on the other side of the world, with a friend I don’t know. A friend who posts on LinkedIn and gets millions of views. (Something I have never done but now aspire to…) He had some advice after seeing one of my posts about a podcast I recorded last year with Christian. “Don’t link outside of thah platform, ya NOOB! The algorithm dudn’t like that, MATE!” Here I was… sitting around thinking that linking to an outside learning artifact I created looks cool, when in reality, it was hindering my reach!

What is the outcome? I have begun discussions with my digital colleague at work, “Copilot.ai.” We are cooking up a convo titled: “Strategic LinkedIn Growth Plan.” and it has already resulted in a new tagline and about me section. Something even more accurate, AND also more compelling. We are not in a binary experience. We are in a spectrum of shades. A vast sea of grey.

Why am I doing ANY of This!?

This brings up a deeper question. “Why do I create anything?” …am I trying to help others learn from my experience (or even my mistakes), OR, am I trying to reach a broader audience? Is this therapy, Lisa? Should I also get real therapy, Betty?

Well, the answer to all of that is “YES.” This might not have to be a this-or-that dichotomy. What’s the point of helping only a few when you can help many? If the algorithm likes it, then that is where I find myself. Those are my “Given Circumstances” to plug a theater gem. To go deeper still, things are not inherently good or bad. It is the labels we put on them that make them blessed or evil.

Outcome

New About Me

After a long discussion with Copilot.AI (which uses a slow work deep dive of ChatGPT) I had a plan. The plan included a better about me section on linked in. I used the same conversation channel and came up with a new about me for Linked in, and it contained twice the number of allowed spaces. So I worked on removing inaccuracies and used Copilot to cut it down even further until it read more like a story:

“If you’re here, you’re probably curious about the space where creativity, learning, and community meet—and how a little play can change the way we grow and work. That’s the space I live in.

I’m David Kolmer, a creative strategist, instructional designer, professional learner, and community builder. My path has taken me from theater stages to podcast studios, from SCUBA-beach classrooms in Thailand to boardrooms in St. Louis. Through all of it, one belief has stayed constant: learning should be memorable, meaningful, and, whenever possible, fun.

At the National Association of Electrical Distributors (NAED), I design and support learning experiences that help professionals thrive in a rapidly changing industry. Whether I’m building microlearning, shaping a curriculum, or crafting a multimedia story, I focus on curiosity, clarity, and real‑world application. I want learners to feel engaged, not obligated.

Storytelling sits at the center of my work. My theater roots taught me that people don’t remember information—they remember experiences. Every learning journey has a narrative arc, and every learner is the hero of their own story. That mindset shapes everything from my instructional design to my podcasting.

I’m also a lifelong experimenter with tools and frameworks. From Articulate 360 and 7TAPS to Photoshop, video, and podcasting platforms, I love exploring new ways to bring ideas to life. My portfolio spans eLearning, video, audio, and live facilitation, each project a chance to test, iterate, and improve.

Community fuels me. I’ve presented at ATD events, supported GamiCon, facilitated workshops, and connected with countless learners and creators. I believe professional growth is a shared adventure — one built on curiosity, generosity, and a willingness to try new things even at the risk of initial failure.

If you’re passionate about reimagining learning, exploring the power of play, or building communities of practice, I’d love to connect. Let’s see what we can create together. ~~~

Portfolio: DavidKolmer.com/portfolio
Blog: ImprovementDave.com
Podcast: GAMELAYER.fm“

Conclusion

We are not in a binary experience. We are in a spectrum of shades. A vast sea of grey.

IF we move toward the singularity where machines and humans grow together, we will have the same problems we have always had. The new Generative AI we have built is now based on the human mind. Why are we so surprised it has shortcomings? It is just becoming more human.

Listen to David Kolmer on GAMELAYER RADIO

QUOTE: “A thoughtful, steady plan is exactly the right instinct. LinkedIn rewards consistency, clarity of message, and genuine engagement—not frantic posting. Since you’re already operating at a high level in L&D, creative strategy, and community building, you have a strong foundation. What you need now is a system that compounds over time.” ~Copilot.AI

Why Focus is My Word of the Year

Every year, I pick a word. The first one was at the end of 2022; I picked “honesty” retroactively. Because I wasn’t really being honest with myself about my personal and professional development. As I continue using these words, I’m realizing that both of those forms of development help each other. It’s a symbiotic relationship. When I develop myself professionally, my personal life benefits and vice versa.

Previous Years Words

You can review previous posts that I created in January to read up on my path. Others were “Consistency“, “Integrated“, and last year was “Novelty“. This year I will Focus.

I’ve got to the point where I realize that I’m not choosing these words. It’s not really accurate to say that these words choose me, either. Seeing as they’re just a verbal representation of ideas. It’s more like the ideas have found me, and I’m allowing them to shape me. (If you can subscribe to the ideas of Elizabeth Gilbert and Rick Rubin; that ideas exist separately from the humans that find them.)

Why Focus after Novelty?

Last year, I spent time remaining mostly sober and seeking out novelty. Novelty is about saying yes to experiences, seeking out new opportunities, and doing as much as you can. Then those experiences leave impressions or memories on your mental timeline. This, in turn, expands your perception of time. Since time is a construct of the mind anyway, our perception of it is all that matters. Broadening our experiences in the name of making our lives feel longer may be the closest thing we will ever get to time travel.🧘

I: spoke at conferences, pretended I started my own conference, started a podcast, recorded live podcasts, continued certifications in Game Learning, and developed a card game about my industry… …all while spending time with my family, updating a rental propery and learning how to play Pokémon Go.

Screenshot

You can read my post from 2025 if you want to learn about novelty.

I have noticed my “words of the year” tend to expand and then contract. Go out, try new things, and then reel it back in. Like an ebb and flow, like an inhale in an exhale. Like contrasting values to create a physical form on a two-dimensional surface.

Novelty was about expanding, saying yes to new things, whereas Focus is about contracting. I selected focus, and then the word opportunity came to me; something about that didn’t feel right. Having a year of novelty and then a year of seeking out opportunity. Somehow it seemed to distort the balance like a double yin and not enough yang.

I need more focus. I need to focus more on what really matters. Spending time with my kids while they are still young and still need me. I need to focus on opportunities that provide a return. In this way, it’s all connected anyway, but this is a better way to frame it.

Was it not enough that my wife shared, “You need to focus, David.”

My mom also said, “You are always running somewhere lately. You are always in a hurry.”

That’s not like me. That’s not how I naturally am. The year of Novelty turned me into a scattered runner. Trying to do more novel things, and I need to round that off. This morning I had a realization after an early set of yoga with some black coffee. I had a good feeling, and it came to me as a visual… I tried to recreate it with Adobe Firefly, and it isn’t half bad…

This morning, I had a realization. This place I am visualizing has a certain mental buoyancy. You effortlessly float above all the sludge. All the worry, all the dread, all the ignorance, and all the drunkenness. Like a small raft floating over an ocean of beasts, poison, and misdirection. Not hydroplaning over the ocean, and not sinking either. Between the layer of dark oily liquids and the thick air, hovering, balanced.

Focus = Relaxed + Aware

I was listening to the first episode of 10% happier, the podcast by Dan Harris. He had his master instructor, Joseph Goldstein, on the show. They were talking about a new book. They’re writing where they’re using. Dr. Goldstein‘s catch phrases on how to be better at meditating… things like “When you are sitting, realize you are sitting.” Or “Just try again, just keep trying.” Or “Mara, I see you.” Mara here being the embodiment or physical representation of ignorance or temptation.

The part of the discussion that really stood out to me was absolutely fundamental. The idea of being both relaxed and aware. That really is the goal of meditation, isn’t it? It’s the goal of all religions. If you’re too relaxed to get all spaced out. If you’re too aware, you start to get too deep and start worrying about things. Things that don’t matter or that you can’t control. It is obvious, and it is easier said than done.

This Must Be the Path!

I wanted to find a single word that represented both of these things: being relaxed and aware. I’m not 100% certain that when I went back to the word, focus, I hit the mark. I do feel it fits the bill. I really don’t feel like I’m forcing a square peg into a round hole. Feels more like I loosely inserted a round peg into a square hole. It fits, but there’s some empty space around it. It doesn’t wiggle, there’s still room for improvement, and if you’ve read any of my stuff you kind of know that that’s my thang.

I SEE YOU MARA!