Why Be Better?

Improvement is good.
Improvement with intention serving a greater purpose is GOLDEN.

There is a dichotomy that I want to talk about.

The concept of improvement is my brand, but in the same way that businesses should not always be trying to grow, people should not constantly be trying to improve.

This may sound counterintuitive coming from a man whose brand is to CHOSE TO IMPROVE; you might think that matches Lowe’s: never stop improving. However, there is a contradiction here…

Running at 80%—On Purpose

Think about the 80% capacity principle: businesses should not be run at 100% all the time. The most successful businesses are run at around 80% capacity because then you have 20% left for overflow, training, cleaning out the garbage, and repainting the walls.

Brown Sugar, White Sugar, and a Metaphor That Almost Works

Personal development bleeds over into professional development, and trying to separate the two is sort of like separating brown sugar after it has been mixed with white sugar.

The metaphor is incredibly strong, but…

Well, you get the point.

Thailand, Take Two

Last year, I had the joy of revisiting Thailand, where I cut my teeth in the education world.

I was a theater student. I made it over to Thailand to teach English as a second language and ended up discovering that the world of education was better than the world of theater for me—or at least it was then.

Hot Water, Cold Water, No Metrics

The point is, I found myself in the same old hot spring—the one just east of downtown Lampang.

Water so hot, you can boil chicken eggs in 17 minutes

Chae Son is a small village in Lampang Province. It has a natural hot spring that comes up from the Earth next to a waterfall and a river that comes from God-knows-where. For some reason, the water is incredibly cold, so you might say it comes from melting ice somewhere up on the mountain.

Or at least that’s what I like to think.

A short hike up a mountain to see a glorious waterfall pays dividends of lived experience.

I was sitting in the hot spring, and for the first time in maybe a year or two, I found an absolute sense of peace—of calm. I found the teachings of the Buddhist meditation masters of the area in action.

In that moment, I realized.

I like Thailand.

I like how they have a lower set of expectations. I like how there is actually a balance between doing things and not doing things there.

Thailand has an additional option on the table that we lack in the United States of America: the option of non-doing, or inaction.

[I checked, I don’t have a picture of the private bath house where I had this realization, I chose inaction in that moment, but I have other pictures that are most definately more interesting to look at and have a higher compoositon value, like this one of the place wehre the hot spring meets the cold river:]

Growth, Growth, Growth—Until Something Bursts

I instantly thought of my time working in corporate America for Macy’s, Lowe’s, and horrific insurance companies that I will not name here.

The weekly meetings about year-over-year growth:

This year we raised this metric, and that’s what you’ve gotta do. Raise all the metrics, all the time.

Always growing, like a cancerous cyst.

The International-School Math Is Not Mathing

In that moment in the hot spring, I realized that I want to move back to Thailand.

Financially, it’s a terrible idea.

I would have to send my kids to an international school, which would cost somewhere between $2,000 and $4,000 a month because they don’t speak Thai. I would most likely go back to teaching English, barely making enough money to cover my own children’s tuition at an international school.

Of course, there’s a possibility that they could attend the school where I teach, and then there would be a discount.

But then I would work at the school where my children go.

That’s something I don’t wanna’ do.

I took this picture on the way from dropping my kids off at school.

So Where Does This Leave Me? Me?

Stranded somewhere in the middle of the United States, working a job that makes a lot of money, spending enormous amounts on taxes, insurance premiums, and—don’t forget—medical expenses.

Paying off expensive cars with reasonable interest rates.

Paying off two mortgages with interest.

Living comfortably, with my parents close by to help watch the kids.

Perhaps watching my wife silently suffer through living in an alien land where continuous growth and cancerous expansion are seen as holy attributes.

The full episode advertized in the above Insagram reel drops Friday September 4th 2026 on GAMELAYER.fm

Disney World and the Parenting Rulebook That Does Not Exist

What is the other option?

To go against the grain in the United States, I suppose. To live in this land where I make enormous amounts of money—compared to Thailand, at least—and find ways not to spend it.

Is that life?

Is that the life that’s best for my children?

To say, “No, we can’t go to Disney World”?

To say, “Yes, I’d like to take you to Europe, but only Mommy and Daddy can go”?

This is why parenting always gets messy. There’s no rulebook. There’s no guidebook. And yet, somehow, we find a way to do what we think is best for our children.

The Grass Is Greener Until You Miss the Guardrails

I know that someday I will find myself in Thailand again, and I will long for the rigor and structure of the United States.

The safety that comes from having safety standards and laws that are followed and enforced by an effective police force.

But for now, all I can do is look around, find what’s good, and embrace it.

Maybe Better Is Not More

Maybe I can even take a little bit of wisdom from my time on the mountain.

I can realize that where I am is my home—and that there is always the ability to retreat into my own mind and embrace the comfort of inaction.

To find peace.

Or I can write a blog post about how improvement is good—but not at the cost of mental well-being or peace.

Choosing Yourself: A Journey to Personal Empowerment

I don’t Choose Myself…AND that’s been the problem. I’ve spent my life choosing others’ expectations over myself—and I’m done.

Hey, I’m Dave Kolmer, the guy behind Improvement Dave. My word for the year is FOCUS. (Read more here.) Not as a slogan, but as a commitment to refine what matters and clear out what doesn’t. I need to:

CHOOSE MYSELF …and maybe that is something you need to work on, too.

In this post, I will review a song. This is a song that I heard several years ago while doing yard work. The first time I heard this song, I stopped what I was doing, and I listened to it again. Then I saved it and sent it to myself.

  • I told myself I would blog about it, but then I didn’t write the post.
  • I told myself it didn’t fit my word of the year yet, so I set it aside.

The truth? This song scared me. I felt it too deeply.
I started to feel like I would write this post when I was ready.

Ready for What?

To be ready to choose myself above other people. Something I don’t let myself do. I do not choose myself above other people because:

I am afraid others will perceive me as vain or arrogant.

The Song

Listen here:

Bandcamp: starslingeruk.bandcamp.com/track/choose-yourself
YouTube: https://youtu.be/dmedDwvmTK0?si=JrTypRAxHdr2ADer

I planned to paste the lyrics and react in classic Improvement Dave fashion, but you can read or listen to them yourself. Instead, I’m taking the heart of the song and responding more directly. I’m a creative person—something I once claimed proudly, then quietly traded for stability and responsibility. Therapy has made it impossible to ignore what that trade cost me.

I still need to create to be happy.

I still feel the daily pull to make things, which is why this song hits so hard. I’ve seen firsthand that about 30% of people love my work, 30% hate it, and 30% never notice—so my focus now is on serving the ones who care. And if you are reading this, then that is you.

While the idea of living without purpose sounds dreamy, it feels unrealistic; we all have responsibilities and that ever‑present pressure to do the things we’d rather avoid.

[You can see one of my biggest responsibilities to the right. My need to create has rubbed off on my son. He had a grouping of Pokémon cards he didn’t think were “rare,” so he made a shirt of them.]

I asked if I could post this online, and he said, “Sure, ” without a second thought… I could learn a thing or two from his confidence.

30% or 33.3%?

I still feel the daily pull to make things, which is why this song hits so hard. I’ve seen firsthand that about 30% of people love my work, 30% hate it, and 30% never notice—so my focus now is on serving the ones who care. And while the idea of living without purpose sounds dreamy, it feels unrealistic; we all have responsibilities and that ever‑present pressure to do the things we’d rather avoid.

I traded creativity for stability.

Maybe you’re doing the thing you have to do, not the thing you want to do. I enjoy my career, but some parts hit that familiar knot in my stomach—the fear that comes with admitting I might want something different. It’s like stepping onto a narrow bridge over a pit you’d rather not look into.

WHAT IF

I FAIL?

The answer to this is we never fail. We either hit the nail square on the head or we find a moment of learning. It is a Win (+) or a Delta (Δ).

This quote from the song is liberating to me. It is freeing because I live with analysis paralysis on the daily.

“I have lots of ideas, how do I pick the right one?
Execute on as many as possible.
The right idea will pick you.”

There’s a theme running through several books I’ve read this year—Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and The Creative Act by Rick Rubin. They suggest that ideas float around in the ether, waiting for someone ready to receive them. Sometimes they show up before we’re prepared; other times we’re ready but unwilling, and the idea moves on to someone who is.

I’ve brought a lot of ideas to life on this blog, but lately I’ve slowed down. I tell myself it’s because of my work on Gamelayer.fm, but that’s just an excuse. I should be using this space to support the podcast, and I haven’t followed through the way I intended.

I can quote the ending of the song out of order for once:


“Ultimately, mastery is about connecting the dots of many fields.”


IF we don’t let the mind drift and sit on the side of the road in quiet meditation, observing the thoughts pass. THEN we will never have a creative thought that is ours and ours alone. This is the great paradox of meditation. We are not quieting the mind; we are training the mind.

Master of All Trades

Going back to the song in the order of appearance…

We are:

“…taught at an early age that we are not good enough.“

Organized education. School is supposed to prepare us for life, but mostly it just trains us to succeed at school. As Thomas J. Stanley argues in The Millionaire Mind, real success isn’t about grades or pedigree—it’s about the strength of your idea and the grit to make it happen.

“Get paid, get laid, lose weight.”

This is that old formula for chasing external validation. But choosing yourself means flipping that script. It’s not about pleasing others or mastering the right test answers; it’s about backing your own ideas and valuing your own voice. Success comes from knowing what you want, standing behind it, and moving with the kind of confidence that makes others follow your lead.

“One candle can light a thousand other candles
And still remain lit itself.
Be that candle.
”

You can earn money from others, but when you offer something real, and they value it, it isn’t taking — it’s exchanging light. That image reminds me of spiritual practice: one candle lighting another, each flame standing on its own.

Lights from the candle lit at night around the church of Buddhist in Thailand
By somchairakin
By somchairakin

The same goes for us. My wife says, “Don’t compare yourself to other people,” and she’s right. Choosing yourself means running your own race, slowing down when you need to, listening to your breath, and taking care of the body and mind you actually live in.

Silence

Mind focused, silence speaks volumes.

“Out of silence comes the greatest creativity
Not when we are rushing and panicking.
”

Choosing yourself means honoring that silence, stepping out of the race that was never yours to run. Don’t trade your health or your mind for money, status, or a title. Golden handcuffs still sink you, and losing yourself is too high a price. When you choose others’ expectations over your own life, you drown long before you notice you’ve gone under.

So here it is

I’m choosing myself. I am making myself write the post,
This post, the one I feared I could never write…

You should, too.

Because…

What do you think? Does this resonate with you?
What is a small change you can make today to start Choosing Yourself?

Work Cited

Altucher, J. (2013). Choose Yourself!: Be Happy, Make Millions, Live the Dream. Choose Yourself Media.

Ellenberg, J. (2014). How not to be wrong: The power of mathematical thinking. Penguin Press.

Stanley, T. J. (2000). The millionaire mind. Andrews McMeel Publishing.

Starslinger (2019). Choose Yourself [Song].

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