Tag: Creativity

Choosing Yourself: A Journey to Personal Empowerment

I don’t Choose Myself…AND that’s been the problem. I’ve spent my life choosing others’ expectations over myself—and I’m done.

Hey, I’m Dave Kolmer, the guy behind Improvement Dave. My word for the year is FOCUS. (Read more here.) Not as a slogan, but as a commitment to refine what matters and clear out what doesn’t. I need to:

CHOOSE MYSELF …and maybe that is something you need to work on, too.

A Song that Stayed With Me for Years

In this post, I will review a song. This is a song that I heard several years ago while doing yard work. The first time I heard this song, I stopped what I was doing, and I listened to it again. Then I saved it and sent it to myself.

  • I told myself I would blog about it, but then I didn’t write the post.
  • I told myself it didn’t fit my word of the year yet, so I set it aside.

The truth? This song scared me. I felt it too deeply.
I started to feel like I would write this post when I was ready.

Ready for What?

To be ready to choose myself above other people. Something I don’t let myself do. I do not choose myself above other people because:

I am afraid others will perceive me as vain or arrogant.

The Song

Listen here:

Bandcamp: starslingeruk.bandcamp.com/track/choose-yourself
YouTube: https://youtu.be/dmedDwvmTK0?si=JrTypRAxHdr2ADer

REVIEW

I planned to paste the lyrics and react in classic Improvement Dave fashion, but you can read or listen to them yourself. Instead, I’m taking the heart of the song and responding more directly. I’m a creative person—something I once claimed proudly, then quietly traded for stability and responsibility. Therapy has made it impossible to ignore what that trade cost me.

I still need to create to be happy.

I still feel the daily pull to make things, which is why this song hits so hard. I’ve seen firsthand that about 30% of people love my work, 30% hate it, and 30% never notice—so my focus now is on serving the ones who care. And if you are reading this, then that is you.

While the idea of living without purpose sounds dreamy, it feels unrealistic; we all have responsibilities and that ever‑present pressure to do the things we’d rather avoid.

[You can see one of my biggest responsibilities to the right. My need to create has rubbed off on my son. He had a grouping of Pokémon cards he didn’t think were “rare,” so he made a shirt of them.]

I asked if I could post this online, and he said, “Sure, ” without a second thought… I could learn a thing or two from his confidence.

30% or 33.3%?

I still feel the daily pull to make things, which is why this song hits so hard. I’ve seen firsthand that about 30% of people love my work, 30% hate it, and 30% never notice—so my focus now is on serving the ones who care. And while the idea of living without purpose sounds dreamy, it feels unrealistic; we all have responsibilities and that ever‑present pressure to do the things we’d rather avoid.

I traded creativity for stability.

Maybe you’re doing the thing you have to do, not the thing you want to do. I enjoy my career, but some parts hit that familiar knot in my stomach—the fear that comes with admitting I might want something different. It’s like stepping onto a narrow bridge over a pit you’d rather not look into.

WHAT IF

I FAIL?

The answer to this is we never fail. We either hit the nail square on the head or we find a moment of learning. It is a Win (+) or a Delta (Δ).

Ideas Out in Space

This quote from the song is liberating to me. It is freeing because I live with analysis paralysis on the daily.

“I have lots of ideas, how do I pick the right one?
Execute on as many as possible.
The right idea will pick you.”

There’s a theme running through several books I’ve read this year—Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and The Creative Act by Rick Rubin. They suggest that ideas float around in the ether, waiting for someone ready to receive them. Sometimes they show up before we’re prepared; other times we’re ready but unwilling, and the idea moves on to someone who is.

I’ve brought a lot of ideas to life on this blog, but lately I’ve slowed down. I tell myself it’s because of my work on Gamelayer.fm, but that’s just an excuse. I should be using this space to support the podcast, and I haven’t followed through the way I intended.

Master of All Trades

I can quote the ending of the song out of order for once:


“Ultimately, mastery is about connecting the dots of many fields.”


IF we don’t let the mind drift and sit on the side of the road in quiet meditation, observing the thoughts pass. THEN we will never have a creative thought that is ours and ours alone. This is the great paradox of meditation. We are not quieting the mind; we are training the mind.

Master of All Trades

YOU are Kenough

Going back to the song in the order of appearance…

We are:

“…taught at an early age that we are not good enough.“

Organized education. School is supposed to prepare us for life, but mostly it just trains us to succeed at school. As Thomas J. Stanley argues in The Millionaire Mind, real success isn’t about grades or pedigree—it’s about the strength of your idea and the grit to make it happen.

Money Shot

“Get paid, get laid, lose weight.”

This is that old formula for chasing external validation. But choosing yourself means flipping that script. It’s not about pleasing others or mastering the right test answers; it’s about backing your own ideas and valuing your own voice. Success comes from knowing what you want, standing behind it, and moving with the kind of confidence that makes others follow your lead.

Be That Candle

“One candle can light a thousand other candles
And still remain lit itself.
Be that candle.”

You can earn money from others, but when you offer something real, and they value it, it isn’t taking — it’s exchanging light. That image reminds me of spiritual practice: one candle lighting another, each flame standing on its own.

Lights from the candle lit at night around the church of Buddhist in Thailand By somchairakin
By somchairakin

The same goes for us. My wife says, “Don’t compare yourself to other people,” and she’s right. Choosing yourself means running your own race, slowing down when you need to, listening to your breath, and taking care of the body and mind you actually live in.

Silence

Mind focused, silence speaks volumes.

“Out of silence comes the greatest creativity
Not when we are rushing and panicking.”

Choosing yourself means honoring that silence, stepping out of the race that was never yours to run. Don’t trade your health or your mind for money, status, or a title. Golden handcuffs still sink you, and losing yourself is too high a price. When you choose others’ expectations over your own life, you drown long before you notice you’ve gone under.

So here it is

I’m choosing myself. I am making myself write the post,
This post, the one I feared I could never write…

You should, too.

Because…

“If you don’t choose yourself, someone else will.”

What do you think? Does this resonate with you?
What is a small change you can make today to start Choosing Yourself?

Work Cited

Work Cited

Altucher, J. (2013). Choose Yourself!: Be Happy, Make Millions, Live the Dream. Choose Yourself Media.

Ellenberg, J. (2014). How not to be wrong: The power of mathematical thinking. Penguin Press.

Stanley, T. J. (2000). The millionaire mind. Andrews McMeel Publishing.

Starslinger (2019). Choose Yourself [Song].

Did you like this article? Then you might LOVE the GAMELAYER Podcast.

The 100th Post: Unveiling the iSPEAK Project

Personal Reflection

When I started the blog I was getting my Master’s Degree in Instructional Design. It was from a smaller local liberal arts college. The college had a strong online program with a foundation in technology. Fontbonne is not the greatest college in the world. In a few years, it will sadly close its doors. I believe that is a sign of our Post-Covid 19 world. It is not an indicator of the quality of education the University provided. Still, it gave me a great education and I am forever grateful. Thank you Fontbonne U. for showing me how magical online learning can be when done correctly, and getting me started on this beautiful journey.

The 100th Post

The thought came on a whim. It was a boring day at work that was infinitely brightened by a call from a friend. A conference call with people who did what I did but on the next level. They had been trainers, they had been designers but now they had died and moved on to bigger things. Traveling the world to speak at conferences, starting their own business, becoming keynote speakers.

The keynote speaker bit really caught my attention. So when Kassy said you need a strong speaker reel to be a real speaker, I had an idea. A potion of an idea. A crazy Dave of the theater idea. The sort of idea you get from listening to WEEN rock out your whole life.

Influence of Ween on Dave

If you don’t know WEEN they are the strangest band you never heard of. Unbridled creativity and a sense of power that no other band seems to wield… and some drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. They have said themselves in interviews that most of their best songs were conceived just before recording. These songs were written and recorded in under an hour’s time. I believe that. It is easy to believe. It has always inspired me. The speed of production and creative freedom, not the drugs.

The thing about WEEN, is you were never sure what you were gonna get. Each album was its in a genre, not to mention a new universe.

Then in 2016, they got the band back together. In 2023 came to St. Louis while my brother was visiting from Japan… So we went. They were better than ever, it was amazing. What had changed was they had a new crowd in the audience. Before it was the art crowd. The weirdos from every town. Now it was remnants of the stinky neo-hippy crowd. It didn’t matter. I didn’t care They still sang out harder than anyone I have seen rock out.

So What?

OK, Yes. That was way too much back story on Ween. I hope you check them out if you don’t know about them. Fast forward, to the 100th post of Improvement Dave, in 2024! It somehow channeled some of that energy that WEEN brings to the table without even trying. There was some coffee involved, but not very much. When people read the post and watch the video, the next comment tends to be around partying or drugs. (Why I thought of WEEN! 😂) I should just take in stride.

It was a very liberating post to create. People have said they review the video to reduce stress. Besides who am I trying to impress at this point? I have a successful and fulfilling career. I have a loving wife and two beautiful children who completely love me. (Well, they are still young) I am building my real estate empire!… and Yet, I was stone-cold-sober when I recorded iSPEAK. The excitement of making the post revved me up. I got Punch-drunk on the muse.

Here is the point, the video landed me a speaking gig at a local conference!

iSPEAK

The post was written much later than the video. The video carries the post, and somehow people have already calling me the iSPEAK guy. It is OK, I like it. The whole project is true to my brand. Do something bold, do it for free, do not over-rehearsed, be brutally honest, and don’t take yourself too seriously.

If you want you can check out my 100th post here:

https://improvementdave.com/2024/08/08/ispeak-real-speakers-need-speaker-reels/

Upcoming Projects

This was a fun post, but the post is just the beginning. I am developing learning sessions about how to be a better designer. To be a champion for the learner. I have a working title of “Get Out of The Way!” a command to educators to make room for the learner in the learning event. To make it about the learner and their experience. If we do not make room for their journey, deep learning does not happen. The whole damn thing is in vain.

My first speak will be in St. Louis at the ATD St. Louis LEARN Conference:

Speaker Bios can be see on this page.

I tell myself I am excited about it. If I am being honest, I am terrified. I have anxiety from not building out the presentation completely. I also haven’t rehearsed as much as I should by now. The problem is, I will do just fine.

What’s Next?

I started writing this post less than thirty minutes ago and now I am going to publish it. I still need to find a cover image. This was a simple message to recognize that my promise to myself in 2023 was to be consistent. I have been consistent. Now I am working on being more integrated, to tie all of my selves together. I aim to be a more whole person. In many ways I see that working.

Moving forward, I hope to keep the creative spark alive. I want to do what WEEN did later in their career. Don’t record a song 20 minutes after you thought about. Get the idea and then build on it, develop it, cite sources, generate illustrative examples, and tell relevant examples. In the next post, which I have been working several weeks on, I hope to do just that. To have fun with it, but do better at delivering a message the reader can walk away with. To give the reader something they can use… Like a gift. A gift for Improvement.

Quote

Facts are the Opinions of Numbers

~ David Kolmer

Long Rich Life of Novelty

I found myself at a bonfire last month explaining to one of my best friends, Ted, that I live my life according to the currency of experience. I admitted I don’t do much motivated by money. I live my life in a way that enriches my wealth of experience. In this post, I explain why and uncover evidence as to why this perception of life has unexpected benefits.

Essentially time perception researchers agree. There are two ways to perceive that you are living a longer life.

  1. Live a very boring life. Act like you are stranded on an international air flight with nothing to do.
  2. Live a very novel life. Try new things all the time and go to new places.

I will allow you to guess which I use:

In this photo, I am wearing a coat I do not own. It is a product for sale by Costco.
My children are taking pictures of me from their perch in the shopping cart.
The man in the green sweater is judging us and I am not aware and now that I am aware I do not care.
In the end, I did purchase this coat because it is so slick and novel.

Perception of a Long Life

The whole reason for this post is so that you go and listen to a Podcast created by Sindhu Gnanasambandan. titled The Secret to a Long Life.

http://www.wnycstudios.org/story/secret-long-life/
So go listen to that right now, or watch it on YouTube right here. Whatever floats your chicken boat.

My Reaction to This Episode

I listened to this Radiolab episode while I was mowing the lawn. Then I listened to it again during my son’s swimming lesson at the YMCA. Ever since listening to this episode, I don’t go and just watch my son at his swimming lesson. I bring my daughter too and we all get into the pool during the lesson and we all swim. I mean I am a member at the YMCA, so I should have done this before. We don’t mess around with the other classes and the teachers seem to like it.

To be honest, I saw a friend doing the same thing, but something snapped when I heard this, or it clicked, and then I started talking about what I was seeing more frequently and taking action.

A Novel Experience of My Own

Long story short I was jealous that the creators at Radiolab had this lengthy experiment on stretching time via novelty. So, when my buddy said they were going to a Speakeasy I broke my traditional rhythm of saying, “Oh, sounds like fun, but I’m a dad now and I have to mow my lawn and be a boring old person…” and instead I went!
Check out the video to see how it went:

The speakeasy is found near this shop:

https://maps.app.goo.gl/xkrkFnDPxKfFVHed8

You don’t need to travel the globe or even spend money to find Novelty. My son was given a balloon at school during the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade. He used some markers to make his balloon look just like his favorite Pokemon. He did so well that when I picked him up from school I assumed it was a store-bought balloon design. Creating art is free, it is pure catharsis and is the highest form of worship.


Creating art is pure novelty.

A picture of Vincent with his Peekachu balloon he made by hand.

Wonder is all around you. You simply need to pause, take a deep breath and observe. While on one of the bike rides my family took together for a biking challenge I covered on this blog my daughter looked up at me and asked:

“Does God make the song?… God made the song because God is special. God died and then God came back and now God is a ghost.”

Jasmine Kolmer – Age 4 – September 2023