Learning who your tribe isn’t can be just as valuable as learning who it is.
In my last post, I wrote about choosing yourself. I intended to go deeper into personal identity and the idea of pursuing multiple ideas to see which ones “choose you back,” but I didn’t quite get there. Those are threads I’ll come back to.
For now, I want to explore a related concept: focusing on the 33% of your audience who truly resonate with you.
That recent post was inspired by the song “Choose Yourself“.
The Podcast That Sparked This
This post was inspired by a recent podcast conversation with my friend Kassy LaBorie that will drop this week on The Spark Konnect – Podcast.
I’ve written about Kassy before—she wears red pants as a bold expression of her personality. (I’ve also written about occasionally wearing blue pants myself.) These small choices act as signals of identity.
Kassy shared something interesting with me. The guest she had on before our episode was nothing like either of us. The guest was bold, outspoken, highly analytical, competitively athletic, and focused professionally on detecting deception through body language.
Her energy didn’t match Kassy’s at all. Kassy was candid—she found the interview difficult. So much so that she questioned whether she should publish it at all.
I argued that she should, and I want to explain why.
Discomfort and the Search for Truth
Let me go back to where this idea started for me.
In high school, I had an uncomfortable realization: if I truly valued thoughtful conversation—Socratic debate, the kind that leads to truth—then I would have to engage with people I didn’t agree with… or even like.
That’s not easy.
It requires accepting that your worldview might not be perfect. And that’s uncomfortable for anyone.
Now fast forward to today, where many of us are creating content—podcasts, blogs, conversations—with friends, acquaintances, or even strangers. Some we agree with, some we partially understand, and some we fundamentally disagree with.
That spectrum matters.
Why You Should Share the Hard Conversations
If I only interview people who think, talk, and act like me, I’m doing a disservice to my audience.
If everyone on the Game Layer Podcast metaphorically “wears blue pants,” then the idea of blue pants as individuality loses meaning. It becomes uniform. It fades into sameness.
Truth doesn’t emerge from agreement—it emerges from challenge.
We grow by engaging with people who think differently. Not just people who prefer a different brand of peanut butter, but people whose perspectives fundamentally challenge our beliefs.
The Risk of Going Too Far
Of course, there’s a valid concern: what if the differences are too great?
What if someone’s worldview feels incompatible with your own?
That’s worth considering.
Maybe Kassy’s previous guest lives in a world neither of us would choose to inhabit. That’s okay. We can decide what we allow into our lives.
But even then, there’s still value.
We can learn from people we don’t understand. From people we don’t like. From people we don’t want to become.
Exposure expands our understanding of the human experience.
When Someone Challenges Your Core Belief
I experienced this firsthand in a podcast micro-episode I recorded a few months ago.
I do a show on Game Learning and Creativity called GAMELAYER.
I spoke with someone whose industry doesn’t allow time for creativity or game-based learning. He said it plainly: he doesn’t have time for that.
Instead of pushing back, I listened.
Really listened.
By the end of the conversation, I found myself agreeing with him—even though his perspective challenged the core theme of my podcast: that life and work should include joy, creativity, and play.
So how can both be true?
Understanding Your “People”
My goal is to be in an environment where my creative strengths are used. That’s how I thrive.
People who thrive in that same way—those are my people.
But that doesn’t mean everyone needs to think like me. …and it definitely doesn’t mean every guest on my podcast should agree with my perspective.
In fact, the opposite is true. The show becomes stronger when it includes voices that challenge the premise.
Because those are the same challenges these ideas will face in the real world.
What Kassy Did Right
When I listened to Kassy’s episode, I noticed something important.
She didn’t shut down.
She stayed open.
She listened to the perspective, asked questions, and acknowledged that the conversation stretched her—and would likely stretch her audience too.
That’s exactly the point.
The Skill Behind It: Deep Listening
Why did both of us approach it this way?
Part of it comes from our backgrounds in theater.
In theatre, listening isn’t passive. You listen with your whole body. You’re not analyzing someone to judge them—you’re trying to feel what they feel and understand their emotional state.
The other part comes from our work as facilitators.
Good facilitators seek first to understand, and then help others understand.
That’s the skill.
Final Thought
You don’t build a meaningful platform by only surrounding yourself with agreement.
You build it by engaging with difference—thoughtfully, intentionally, and with curiosity.
Because the goal isn’t just to find your tribe.
It’s to understand the full landscape of people—especially the ones who challenge you.
Whatever you do in life, surround yourself with smart people who’ll argue with you.
~John Wooden
Improvement Dave 